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Note from Joe: The following magical morsel first appeared as a “Calvin and Hobbes” Sunday comic which can be found in its entirety on page 102 of Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons collection by Bill Watterson. If you don’t have the book, go get it! In fact, get ALL of the “Calvin and Hobbes” books, and enjoy once again the best comic strip that was ever published!

4 + 5 = ?

by Bill Watterson (1958-)

While lying on my back to make
An angel in the snow,

I saw a greenish craft appear!
A giant UFO!

A strange unearthly hum it made!
It hovered overhead!

And aliens were moving ’round
In view ports glowing red!

I tried to run for cover, but
A hook that they had low’r’d
Snagged me by my overcoat
And hoisted me aboard!

Even then, I tried to fight,
And though they numbered many,
I poked them in their compound eyes
And pulled on their antennae!

It was no use! They dragged me to
A platform, tied me up,
And wired to my cranium
A fiendish suction cup!

They turned it on and current coursed
Across my cerebullum,
Coaxing from my brain tissue
The things I wouldn’t tell ’em!

All the math I ever learned,
The numbers and equations,
Were mechanic’ly removed
In brain-drain operations!

My escape was an adventure,
(I won’t tell you what I did.)
Suffice to say, I cannot add,
So ask some other kid.

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